Lagrimas de felicidad

Last night, I was overwhelmed with emotion and burst into tears when I saw from NYTimes.com on my Blackberry that Barack Obama had actually won the presidency. It came from what I thought was nowhere. I was in a hotel with las mujeres de Tierra Viva preparing for a conference of international activistas from all over Latinaamerica on the International Day Against Violence Against Women. I also had to explain why I was crying in Spanish, and I all could say was "my mom and my aunts and my grandma are from the South from a time when things were segregated and they would never have dreamed of this day." It was a little broken but I think the sentiment came across.

Anyway, I've been thinking about this wave of emotions that took over me and still continue to marinate. I've seen some poignant blog posts, Facebook notes, Gchat statues, and all sorts of online commentary giving me more food for thought about the significance of this event. But I know this will be something that I will be processing for longer than the news cycle will allow.

Anyway, Goddess Qimmah wrote this beautiful poem on her blog and it touched a lot of the feelings I've been feeling but haven't been able to properly express, except through my tears.


my eyes were glued to the screen. my heart ached with anxiety. my head swirled with possibilities. the results were in. we were still at work. the crowd in my office waited with baited breath.

“Barack Obama is the 44th president of the United States of America.”

i dropped to my knees. the screams and cheers around me became dull. i cried. but the tears were not my own.

i cried the tears of my ancestors.

i cried the tears of relief of a hurt people.

i cried Martin and Malcolm’s tears. Elijah and Farrakhan’s. Harriet and Sojourner’s. Marcus’s. Rosa’s. i cried for the knowns and Unknowns.

the slaves.

the sharecroppers.

the hosed down.

the beaten.

the lynched and imprisoned.

the mistreated.

the mentally burdened.

the emotionally torn down.

i cried for my people who filled the guts of the slaveships.

i cried the salt water of the Atlantic where their bodies sank.

i cried for the mothers torn from their children.

for the nanas (my Nana) scrubbing floors.

for the fathers stripped of their manhood.

i cried with pride. i cried with relief. i cried with praise to the Most High.

i cried and i cried and i cried out.

i cried out a cry of the millions needing one sign of justice. i cried for America. its dark past and its first glimmer of a bright future. i cried for Barack. i cried for Michelle. i cried for Sasha and Malia. i cried for my children. our children. Our Children.

i cried for the moment in time and the place i stand in it.

the place We stand in it. the moment in which we stand.

the moment That we Stand.

i cried for my daddy. the tear he’d drop were he here to witness the moment.

i prayed a prayer of thankfulness. i prayed a prayer of humility.

i prayed for Him to stay with us throughout this Change.

Change.

Change.

crowds filled the street. shouts of joy. shouts of relief. shouts of disbelief. shouts of Belief. people ran. sang. jumped. embraced. laughed. smiled. cried. prayed. loved. time square. midtown. kenya. illinois. harlem. Harlem. my people danced. my people danced yall. together. laughing. hey brother. hey sister. greeted each other with love. “nigga” disappeared. “nigga” disappeared. “nigga” disappeared.

I cried last night. The night a Black man was declared the 44th president of America. Not because I thought he was the answer to all of our problems. Not because I thought him winning the election would change everything. Not because I thought it’d made racism disappear. Not because I thought all would be right in the world.

I cried last night.

The night a Black man was declared the 44th president of the United States of America.

Because out of the dark soil of despair that has been watered with an abundance of tragedy, a sturdy tree of belief sprang from a mustard seed of faith.

And out of my people’s millions of shriveled up dreams…

this was one less deferred.

- Qimmah Saafir

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