I'm back from Guatemala and settling back into reality...it's been a struggle. But I realize that there are bigger struggles in this life, particularly for those in situations of domestic or intimate partner violence.
During my time in Guatemala City, I was assisting Tierra Viva, a pioneer women's rights organization, with the campaign they spearheaded in the early 1990's around No Violence Against Women/El Dia de No Violencia Contra Las Mujeres. It's an annual campaign to educate women across the country about their rights to a safe within the law and within humanity. It is a serious problem in many rural and indigenous communities, places where many women don't have many educational or career opportunities. Violence against women is a universal problem; though we have more financial and cultural gender equality here, we still face high rates of domestic violence. While we often focus on physical violence, it occurs in all forms: physical, psychological, sexual, economic...it goes on. It's cyclical, where abuse is based along through generations, both as receiver or perpetrator.
The Errol Louis op-ed below in Thursday's New York Daily News highlights the stark problem of partner violence among teens. It's troubling. We need to talk to young people candidly and let them know their rights and foster self-esteem in them. Education and honesty can help us break the cycle.
Moms and dads, talk straight to your daughters about domestic violence
Thursday, December 4th 2008, 10:33 AM
The best gift any adult can get for a youngster this holiday season - particularly the girls in their life - is straight talk about the epidemic of domestic violence that hurts or kills women and girls in every corner of our society.
We'll someday look back and wonder what took us so long to shake off the shameful cloak of silence that keeps people from talking about domestic violence.
The numbers are staggering. According to the National Crime Victimization Survey, an estimated 5.3 million intimate partner attacks take place every year, causing nearly 2 million injuries and 1,300 deaths.
Behind the statistics, of course, are real people lost to sickening acts of depravity. In July, 18-year-old Kari Gorman, a cheerleader and waitress from upstate New York, was murdered with a shotgun blast when she tried to break up with a 19-year-old she'd dated for eight months.
The man shot himself to death after killing Kari.
"I knew [the relationship] wasn't right, but I didn't know that it was so dangerous," Kari's mother, Kim Davidson, said this week, a common refrain heard from parents whose daughters end up beaten or killed.
The problem overwhelmingly is that physical relationships begin at a shockingly early age. According to a recent national survey commissioned by Liz Claiborne Inc. and the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, 37% of 11- and 12-year-olds say they've dated, and 27% say oral sex or intercourse is a normal part of relationships at that age.
Kids that young can't handle the physical and emotional challenges of a full sexual relationship. And that leads to trouble.
The Liz Claiborne study found 36% of all teens reported having partners who wanted to know where they were and with whom all the time - a controlling attitude that starts youngsters down the road to sexual and physical abuse. And 20% of 13- and 14-year-olds in relationships said they knew friends and classmates who'd been kicked, hit, slapped or punched by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
"We have 13 million readers, and one in four of our girls have said they have experienced some form of dating abuse," says Ann Shoket, editor-in-chief of Seventeen magazine, talking about a separate survey the magazine recently completed.
"There's a lot of secrecy," says Shoket. "These girls absolutely do not recognize the red flags in the beginning that will lead to dating abuse."
Shoket was part of a small army of psychologists, counselors, judges, prosecutors, lawmakers and parents of slain teens who descended on Manhattan this week to announce the launch of a national initiative called MADE - Moms and Dads for Education to Stop Teen Dating Abuse.
The group has a Web site, loveisnotabuse.com, that includes a petition demanding legislation requiring states to make courses on teen dating abuse part of the curriculum in all middle and high schools. The legislation, backed by the attorneys general in all 50 states, recently went into effect in Rhode Island.
The impetus for Rhode Island's action was the murder of 25-year-old Lindsay Ann Burke, killed in 2005 by an ex-boyfriend now serving life in prison without parole. Her parents, Ann and Chris Burke, told me warning bells went off when Lindsay's boyfriend began calling and text-messaging her at all hours of the day and night, trying to keep tabs on her.
But like so many of us, they didn't realize that creepy, controlling behavior often leads to something much worse. They've sounded the alarm by getting Rhode Island to pass Lindsay's Law, which requires teachers, counselors, students and parents to learn that it isn't right, natural or legal to be degraded, beaten or controlled by a spouse or partner.
Education alone won't save our sisters, daughters and mothers, but it's a start. Surely we owe them that much.
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