Thursday, October 22, 2009

Everybody knows somebody


Even before Chris Brown and Rihanna got major national attention, domestic violence was getting news coverage almost every day. For example, almost every day in 'The New York Daily News,' you can find an article about a murder of a woman of color in NYC (or surrounding areas) by her husband/boyfriend/ex/babydaddy/some-other-asshole-in-her-life. It may be on page 6 or page 18, the headline may be large or tiny, but it's there because it's happening. However, it's emergence in the world of celebrity smacked us all in the face, and opened up some real dialogue about domestic violence in our communities, and in folks' every day realities.

On Saturday in October (Domestic Violence Awareness Month), Kevin Powell, along with Twenty-First Century Foundation, Hot 97, KISS-FM, Fort Greene Peace, Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc., Black Girls Rock!, April Silver/AKILA WORKSONGS, Inc., Bucktown USA, CONNECT, Scenarios USA, liveamerica.com, Emerald Entertainment and Sports, and Domestic Workers United, hosted the Domestic Violence Prevention Summit, an all-day symposium of panels, poetry, and performance art focused around domestic violence awareness.

The day was hopeful, candid, depressing, harrowing, inspiring, emotional and heavy all at once. I missed the teen panel but entered during a discussion with a young man in the audience saying that his generation needs to step up and take responsibility. He expressed that older folks aren't effectively reaching young people, so they are need to take these positive messages and flip it to make it relevant to themselves. Hip-hop came up in this conversation, and throughout the day, because we (as in the "older" segment of the Hip-Hop generation) look down on them and what the music has become and their experience of Hip-Hop culture. The young man makes many good points, I refuse to believe that young people are not apathetic. The fact that he was there on a Saturday afternoon is proof positive.

Two powerful keynote speakers shared their survival stories of gang rape, incest, and physical and emotional torture in their relationships. "Some of the most damaging abuse is emotional, mental, control, manipulation and everyone saying your crazy," the 1st sister, a heterosexual white(?) woman, explained. The 2nd sister, a lesbian woman of color, talked about the constant victimization even outside of the relationship. People (friends, cops, hospital staff) couldn't understand why she wouldn't fight her partner back. She faced humiliation and discouragement. Both women experienced abuse all throughout their lives, as children growing up watching it and experiencing it from their families. Both women mentioned the issues of substance abuse. Both women felt they had nowhere to turn for support and safety. Now they are helping other women navigate dangerous situations and are bravely sharing their experiences as advocates.

Byron Hurt, filmmaker and women's advocate, talked about how he became an ardent speaker against misogyny and sexism, particularly in communities of color. He learned about gender roles as a football player in high school, but in college joined an anti-violence advocacy organization, despite fears that his boys would think he was "soft," "corny," "wack," etc. He committed himself to unlearning misogyny, and has become a strong proponent of men allowing themselves to express their emotions, so they don't manifest in more destructive ways.

There were organizations with tables there offering domestic violence resources including: Audre Lorde Project, Safe Horizon, The Safe Homes Project via Good Shepherd Services, to name a few.

Kevin Powell who organized and hosted the event is a staunch advocate for eliminating violence in our communities, particularly against women. He has made this a major focus of his activism and below is an essay he wrote about how all of us can provide support to friends, family, acquaintances or anyone who has experienced/is experiencing domestic violence. It was posted during Domestic Violence Month, but you can take these actions all year long.

7 Things You Can Do To Support Victims And Survivors of Domestic Violence

By KEVIN POWELL, author of the new book Open Letters to America (which includes the essay, “Open Letter to An American Woman,” a meditation on the various forms of violence women and girls confront every single day, and why women’s leadership matters, and is needed more than ever).

1. Turn your Facebook profile or Twitter avatar PURPLE, and encourage everyone in your social network to do the same, for the entire month of October. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and PURPLE is the international color for domestic violence. OR wear a PURPLE ribbon or something PURPLE throughout the month of October.
2. Create a domestic violence awareness forum in your community, at your spiritual/religious institution, at your workplace, or at your school, so that you and others, females and males alike, can talk freely about domestic violence, and ways to end it. If you need literature for your gathering, please visit http://www.ndvh.org/resources/resource-download-center/ to download great material.
3. Share my two essays with males in your community, be they nonviolent males or former abusers, since men and boys are more likely to abuse women and girls rather than the other way around:
Ending Violence Against Women and Girls
Men Can Stop Domestic Violence

Still not convinced, visit this site to get critical statistics about who is most likely to be a victim of domestic violence in America:
4. Contact your local domestic violence agency or battered women’s shelter to see if you can volunteer your time. There may be special events where extra hands are needed during October. But you should consider volunteering at any time of year. Domestic violence happens every single day in America.
5. Tweet or retweet a link to an article or blog entry about domestic violence. Use Facebook, Digg, Linked-In, and other social networking sites to help promote articles about Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
6. If you or someone you know has been the victim of domestic violence, PLEASE ENCOURAGE them to get help in the form of counseling, support groups, reading material, etc. AND PLEASE CALL the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 if you or someone you know needs assistance or guidance immediately.
7. If you are still not clear on what domestic violence is, please go to this site to get the basic definition:

PLEASE share this definition with others, especially women and girls, since women and girls are the most likely to be the victims of domestic violence.

NOTE: Feel free to share 7 Things You Can Do To Support Victims And Survivors of Domestic Violence with your friends, family members, job or business associates, schoolmates, and others. Information is power and leads to action, practical solutions, and self-empowerment.

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