I Give Thanks

A few hours ago, I turned 37 years old. And in a few hours from now, I will be on a plane with my mother and aunt to Puerto Rico. I wish I could say it was a celebratory trip, but it's not. My grandmother is in the hospital. Although I originally hoped she would recover enough so that we might be able to bring her home, I now know that is not going to happen. So I'm going home to say goodbye to my grandmother for the last time.

Since I turned 30, my birthday has taken on a different meaning for me. It's a time when I look back on the past year of my life to think about what have I done, where can I still grow, and where am I going. My birthday has been a chance to ask myself, "Am I the person I want to be? Am I living the life I want to live?" And while my heart is breaking, I can look back on the last year and be thankful for all the love I have in my life.

So on this birthday, more than anything else, I want to give thanks for the women in my life.

I will start, where most things in my family start, with my grandmother, Carmen. I give thanks for her enduring strength, her love and loyalty to family, and her ferocity in life. She is the center of my universe, the backbone of my family, and a major reason why I do what I do.

I give thanks for my mother, Zaida, who sacrificed herself for me, my education and my chance to live my own life. My mother let me be me, and loves me anyway. My mother, who fought like hell against cancer so she could live. My mother possesses a joie de vivre I can only dream of.

I give thanks for all my aunts, Camelia, Myrna, Nereida and Rosario (gone too long), and my other mother, Diana, in whose arms and presence I learned all the lovely complexities of family and womanhood.

I am thankful for my older cousins, Millie, Lorraine, Roxanne and Michele. I give thanks to my younger cousins, Barbara, Annie, Sarah, Lindsay, Kelli, Samantha, Ashley, and now Kailey, Alyssa and Sophia, too. They looked out for me and made space for me in their lives. They accepted me, warts and all, and stood by me. They taught me how to dance and how to laugh, especially at myself.

I give thanks for my best friend, my partner in crime, and my pillar of strength, Maribel. She has celebrated my best moments, and held me during my worst. She has never let me down. I don't know what I would without her.

I am thankful for my nieces, Brianna, Ciara, Adrianna and Alexis, and my stepdaughters, Gudrun, Ella and Ruby. I am awed by their strength and courage. I am inspired by their love and devotion. I couldn't love them more if they were mine.

I give thanks for my girls, from my oldest to my newest friends. They have shown me patience and understanding. They have pushed me to take chances, taught me to be fearless and helped me grow into a better person.

On this, my 37th birthday, I give thanks for all the women in my life, who have made me what I am today.

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