A couple of weeks ago, I checked another goal off my concert-going bucket list: seeing Fleetwood Mac live. Clearly I have a love for Stevie Nicks and her goddess-y presence but I will say that Lindsey Buckingham was giving everything on stage. Not only was the chemistry with him and Stevie palpable but my friends and I were joking that he could get it for a viejo. I won't front, the closeups of his nimble guitar-strumming fingers on the jumbotron were pretty sexy if you're into musicians or that sort of thing...
Anyhoo, one of the unexpected highlights was Lindsey Buckingham's solo song called "Big Love." I've always thought the song was cool but he introed the tune by explaining that when we wrote the song, it was about him putting walls up against love. He was looking out for (romantic) love because it was something dangerous and hurtful that he needed to push away and run from. He said that over time the song became a reminder that he no longer needed to look out for love...love wasn't outside of him, it was within, always there available for him to access.
It reminded me of my own journey, and what many of us humans are going through. It's so easy, perhaps ingrained, to look outside of ourselves to others for love and approval when really the most important loves are self-love and the love of God/dess, the Universe, Creator, our higher self or whatever you believe in. This love is always accessible because the spirit lives in us. Even if you don't believe in the spiritual realm in that way, we can AND must unapologetically be our own best lover/supporter/cheerleader, and when we are comfortable doing that then we can best share love with others. It radiates from us effortlessly.
After a long while of putting up walls like Lindsey, I am looking for my own "Big Love," one that's more joyous and reciprocal than what Buckingham is singing about. One that is bigger than anything I've ever imagined and dreamed for myself, or anything I've been sold by Disney or tradition or my own restrictive expectations. And on this road, there came a point where I was so lost that all I could do is surrender to forces bigger than me and seek comfort in God's love and learn to harness it to love myself for real. Not just when I felt pretty, people liked my writing, I said something "smart" or I got some attention from a cutie but truly love myself unconditionally as I have loved others. I broke down and was rebuilt. I work on growing this love every day and sometimes it's a struggle but it gets easier with practice (and for me, meditation).
Here's the lyrics to the song because I only caught the tail end of the song on video. I found the pain, surrender and vulnerability in his voice to be an incredibly potent juxtaposition to his erratic and frenetic acoustic guitar. I almost cried but that's nothing new :) Take a listen and soak it up. (Yes, listen since the video from the nosebleeds is less than stellar.)
And no post about a Fleetwood Mac Live show would be complete without "Landslide" live and direct from Newark's Prudential Center because Stevie is divine. Enjoy. (And yes, that's us getting hype in the background at the beginning.)
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