So Wait...Why Are You in Mexico?

A statue of IxChel, the goddess of Isla Mujeres, at Punta Sur. 

I turned 34 a few days ago and have been doing a lot of reflecting on 33, sometimes known as the "Jesus" year, which certainly embodied the spirit of death and rebirth. Much of this reinvention has been around my desires, priorities and certainly my career. The most tangible part of this (ongoing) process has been my decision to trade a snowy and frigid New York City winter for a lush, tropical, beachy winter in Isla Mujeres, Mexico. Well played, self.

I’ve gotten a lot of questions: how did I make it happen, why Isla Mujeres, when am I coming back to New York, where's your stuff?! A lot of serendipitous things happened really quickly and before I knew it, I was on a plane to Cancun literally leaving the snow behind.

Okay, so like what?

Picture it. The sticks, Flatbush Brooklyn, October 2013. 

Life was pretty normal. Normal at that point meant spreading myself too thin, as freelancers often do when work is (thankfully) busy. I got a nasty cold that laid me out at the top of the month. Once I slept it off for a couple of days straight, I was again “ready” to handle my PR projects, prepare for a burlesque road trip to DC and be a present board member. Even though these were/are things I enjoyed and chose to do, I couldn’t ignore my physical and mental yearning to do things differently. I was unhappy and faking the funk.

I wanted a new career where I didn’t have to be immersed in everyone else’s opinions or feminist bickering. I wanted to feel the joy of being an artist again without the stress of selling out shows and writing media advisories. I wanted to have idle time to bullshit. Time to lay around with my dude watching Netflix without worrying about missing an email. Time to play Wii with my goddaughter and BFFs without thinking I should be out networking. Time to enjoy the wisdom of my parents and my aunties, and to laugh and play with my cousins.

As much as I yearned for this, my actions were in complete contrast. I was on the hamster wheel and saw no way to get off. My body had the answer. Illness. One that attacked my skin vanity so I’d really listen.

That weird cold I got in early October never really went away. Then I got an intense case of eczema with itchy, oozing, scaly sores all over my face, neck and breasts that weren’t healing. It was miserable. I’ve never had it before but found out that stress is a main cause. While I wasn’t surprised, I vowed that I would never again stress myself out to the point of being sick.

My apartment lease was ending as well. Although I moved 3 times in the last 2 years, I no longer wanted to live far from a train in Middle Earth, Brooklyn in a perfectly-priced but poorly maintained apartment. I wasn’t feeling sticking around for another summer fly infestation. The idea of looking for another apartment in NYC gave me agita. I couldn’t process that idea of shelling out my savings for another crapshoot. Plus there was nowhere that I wanted to live…even if money wasn’t an option. Burnout.com.

At some point in my pus-filled feverish frustration, I reached out to a friend I met in Isla Mujeres at the 2013 We Move Forward conference to ask about living there. She’s an American gal on a similar journey that had been living in Isla for a while and suddenly it felt like a real possibility. It was exactly what I needed to get out of the rat race and to commit myself to myself. Within 3 days, I had an apartment sublet in Isla Mujeres for December and January, and a one-way ticket out of dodge.

As I was prepping to leave, I got better by eating a relatively strict vegan diet (with a couple of highly-recommended colonics) along with setting boundaries with work and life expectations. I put myself first. It’s not about being selfish but self-care and honoring own our needs. And most importantly, taking the time to identify those needs. It’s simpler to shirk personal responsibility and to let life happen to you. I realized that I’m the creator of my life and that being a martyr is not my responsibility. It is an ongoing life lesson.

I moved out, put my stuff in storage and prepared myself for a new chapter and new adventures. Now I’m in Isla Mujeres. It’s the greatest act of self-care that I could have ever gifted myself with.

The assumption is that I’m living it up, beaching all day and partying all night. In fact, I do pretty much the same stuff I do in NYC: answer e-mail, binge-watch TV shows online, talk on Twitter, grab a drink or bite with friends, take long walks. You've seen me on Facebook. I’m just in a naturally gorgeous island with a cheaper cost of living and slower pace. It is allowing me to regroup and rebuild without the pressures of big city life. I put in my work but trust, I do get my beach time in and I am LIVING. I am blessed.

I will be back in New York in the early spring. I miss my boos. My quick birthday trip back confirmed that “home” for me is about being around my true blue family and friends. I can enjoy any place as long as I am with my community. The friends I’ve made here in Isla are for a lifetime, no doubt, and have given me “home” here. But now I also know that within New York’s relentless motion there exists a world where I am comfortable and connected.

Other lessons: 

It’s easy to blow money anywhere. Pandora.com doesn’t work down here. I depend on the Internet a lot for entertainment. Pan dulce with queso Philadelphia is Isla’s equivalent of a bagel with cream cheese. I make a lot of judgments about people. Bumber cars in Spanish is “carros chacones.” Most importantly, I am a writer and always have been.

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Transformational Travels: Celebrating International Women's Day on the Island of Women

I'm very excited to report that my first travel writing piece is up on GoGirlfriend.com! I wrote about my experience of celebrating International Women's Day 2013 on Isla Mujeres, the Island of Women, as a part of "We Move Forward," an amazing and healing women's conference and retreat. Thanks to Julia Rosien for posting and to Janeen Halliwell for being the visionary behind this wonderful annual event. 

"All this amazing scenery, food, music and culture is the perfect backdrop for a conference that is all about living your best life and connecting with your passions. It wouldn’t have had the same impact if I was sitting in a hotel conference room in New York City, or Minneapolis, or Denver. They are all great cities but there’s something significant about the beauty of Isla Mujeres that allows for introspection and transformation. The calm rubs off on you. Things that seemed so serious before you got here seem manageable. Not in an escapist way but the nature and pace opens your perspective once you allow yourself to go with the flow. That’s not easy for a speedwalking and speedtalking New York businesswoman who earns a living following the 24/7 news cycle and Internet chatter."  

See more at: http://www.gogirlfriend.com/reviews/international-womens-day-isla-mujeres-29540#sthash.1oGcXi77.dpuf

There's still time left to join us this year! Check out WeMoveForward.com and take steps forward to successfully living your passion! 

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Looking Out For Love

A couple of weeks ago, I checked another goal off my concert-going bucket list: seeing Fleetwood Mac live. Clearly I have a love for Stevie Nicks and her goddess-y presence but I will say that Lindsey Buckingham was giving everything on stage. Not only was the chemistry with him and Stevie palpable but my friends and I were joking that he could get it for a viejo. I won't front, the closeups of his nimble guitar-strumming fingers on the jumbotron were pretty sexy if you're into musicians or that sort of thing...

Anyhoo, one of the unexpected highlights was Lindsey Buckingham's solo song called "Big Love." I've always thought the song was cool but he introed the tune by explaining that when we wrote the song, it was about him putting walls up against love. He was looking out for (romantic) love because it was something dangerous and hurtful that he needed to push away and run from. He said that over time the song became a reminder that he no longer needed to look out for love...love wasn't outside of him, it was within, always there available for him to access.

It reminded me of my own journey, and what many of us humans are going through. It's so easy, perhaps ingrained, to look outside of ourselves to others for love and approval when really the most important loves are self-love and the love of God/dess, the Universe, Creator, our higher self or whatever you believe in. This love is always accessible because the spirit lives in us. Even if you don't believe in the spiritual realm in that way, we can AND must unapologetically be our own best lover/supporter/cheerleader, and when we are comfortable doing that then we can best share love with others. It radiates from us effortlessly.

After a long while of putting up walls like Lindsey, I am looking for my own "Big Love," one that's more joyous and reciprocal than what Buckingham is singing about. One that is bigger than anything I've ever imagined and dreamed for myself, or anything I've been sold by Disney or tradition or my own restrictive expectations. And on this road, there came a point where I was so lost that all I could do is surrender to forces bigger than me and seek comfort in God's love and learn to harness it to love myself for real. Not just when I felt pretty, people liked my writing, I said something "smart" or I got some attention from a cutie but truly love myself unconditionally as I have loved others. I broke down and was rebuilt. I work on growing this love every day and sometimes it's a struggle but it gets easier with practice (and for me, meditation).

Here's the lyrics to the song because I only caught the tail end of the song on video. I found the pain, surrender and vulnerability in his voice to be an incredibly potent juxtaposition to his erratic and frenetic acoustic guitar. I almost cried but that's nothing new :) Take a listen and soak it up. (Yes, listen since the video from the nosebleeds is less than stellar.)

And no post about a Fleetwood Mac Live show would be complete without "Landslide" live and direct from Newark's Prudential Center because Stevie is divine. Enjoy. (And yes, that's us getting hype in the background at the beginning.)

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"After 'Pro-Choice': What's Next For Our Messaging"

After being frustrated by the coverage of Roe v. Wade's 40th anniversary and the term "reproductive justice" being thrown around with no context or critical discussion, I decided to write about mainstream media's challenges in talking about reproductive justice, and what our community can do to change that. Sally Kohn, Fox News commentator, said to me at a WAM! NYC mentoring event that it's much more fun (and productive) to funnel your anger publicly via commentary rather than yelling at the TV. Message received.

Thus, I wrote this piece and interviewed some of my favorite badass activists and advocates to see what they thought about how we can use reproductive justice frameworks now that "pro-choice" is passe. Thank you to RH Reality Check, especially Jodi Jacobson, for giving me the space to write this; and to Aimee Thorne-Thomsen, Andrea Plaid, Eesha Pandit, Miriam Perez, Shanelle Matthews and Jasmine Burnett for their words, thoughts and conversation.

Here's an excerpt but you can read the full piece here:

"This debate reminds me of how liberals scoff at the irrelevance of the GOP, with its narrow platform that doesn’t represent our diversifying country. The reproductive rights, reproductive health, and “pro-choice” movements could take a note from that critique."

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It's Carnival! Mardi Gras Herstory: The Baby Doll Ladies

Mardi Gras is my favorite holiday next to Halloween. Clearly, I'm partial to any holiday or celebration where dressing up and glitter are customary and encouraged. Even though I'm here in NYC for this year's Mardi Gras, I want to share a post I wrote last year after my experience masking with the historic Baby Doll Ladies as part of their centennial celebration. It was an honor and one of the most thrilling and surreal experiences of my life. Thank you Andrea Plaid and Racialicious for providing the space to talk about Black women's herstory in Mardi Gras.

Here's an excerpt and the full post is available at Racialicious.

What is the significance of Mardi Gras in the African-American community? What is masking about? I read about the connection between the Skeletons (Skull and Bone gangs) and Baby Dolls as symbolizing death and rebirth. Can you explain further? 

Dr. Kim Vaz: African Americans have been participating in Mardi Gras from early on. It gave black people another opportunity to draw on their African heritage of singing, having processions, and dressing in costumes. Their background mixed with the fun and festive air of the French-inspired Mardi Gras created a time-out from the toils and drudgery of their work and the realities of their political condition. For those who could get away from the White people they worked for on Mardi Gras, it provided a special opportunity to have fun with friends and family. Before integration, Mardi Gras was an event that was local to specific neighborhoods for African Americans. Claiborne Avenue, with its swath of oak trees and large “neutral grounds” and which was a hub of black shopping and business, served as a gathering place where blacks dressed in hand- made “Indian” costumes. Members of the Skeletons, the Baby Dolls, the Zulu Social Aid and Pleasure Club, and many other marching clubs and maskers could thrill the crowds. Black people called Mardi Gras “Old Fools Day” in recognition of the ability to let go of cares and worries. 

The Baby Dolls themselves never gave a thought to the symbolism of birth and death. This is an imposed idea that makes sense when we think about the inherent meaning of dressing like a doll and dressing like skeletons. But the Baby Dolls in the beginning up through the mid-twentieth century saw themselves as sex symbols, entertainers, and people out to have a good time.

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Are hoodies & voting a gimmick? Here's why it doesn't matter.

I'm working with a project called Hoodie Vote which is a grassroots movement to get people to the polls this Election Day in their hoodies. This is not to disrespect Martin's memory and his horrific murder. Instead, it is to harness the energy that united us after Martin’s murder and to put it towards voting so we can make help create the communities we want and deserve by denouncing destructive policies.  

After Trayvon Martin’s murder, we mobilized in our hoodies in solidarity to protest a dangerous mix of police brutality, questionable “Stand Your Ground” laws, and old-fashioned racism. It highlighted how lethal stereotypes and assumptions about young people of color can be. We channeled our energy into protests, educated each other about ALEC, wrote blog posts and had a lot of local and national conversations.

Ten months later, it’s almost Election Day and it’s an opportunity to join together again and make our voices heard. It’s not just about Obama vs. Romney, there are numerous state ballot initiatives in states that will directly affect communities of color and/or young people. 

People see young black & brown youth and adults in hoodies (in general) and assume that we are criminals and/or violent and/or uneducated. They don't expect us to be politically engaged or aware. They assume we are poor and apathetic and won’t show up to the polls. Speaker of the House John Boehner said this outright. It’s not just the GOP but people on both sides. By not voting, we are giving up our voices and giving politicians more reasons to ignore us when they make policy decisions.  

To help us understand what’s at stake locally and nationally, there are a variety of online resources. One is TheBallot.org created by the League of Young Voters where you can input your address to see not only what’s on your local ballot but also see voter guides created by people in your area. For example, in my Brooklyn district there are a few voter guides where I learned about which candidates oppose stop and frisk or hydro-fracking. You can also make your own voter guide informing other users about which candidates and ballot measures you support (or don’t) and why. Find your representative here and investigate specifically what’s happening in your area.

This is not to be confused with Ballot.org which features a map showing where state ballot measures will affect immigrant rights, reproductive justice, equal opportunity and environmental protection. You can click on your state and see what is on the ballot where you live. For example, Michigan voters can protect the “Working Families Amendment” which allows people to unionize and to collectively bargain for fair wages. Voters in Oklahoma will decide whether or not to ban affirmative action. In Florida, voters will decide if politicians can ban insurance companies from covering a woman who needs to end a pregnancy because of her health. Voters in Maryland will approve or reject the DREAM Act. These all directly affect us, our families, friends and communities.

Forward Together’s “Strong Families Initiative” also put together some useful voting information. “Vote for Us! The Strong Families Guide To Civic Participation,” helps you make informed voting decisions and create conversations within our communities about what elections mean for our families and communities. They also created a 2012 Voter Guide for Californians which explains key ballot measures such as Prop 30 which temporarily increases taxes on the wealthiest 2% to raise money for schools, and Prop 36 which reforms the “Three Strikes” policy by removing life sentences for third strike offenses that are not serious or violent by law.

We cannot complain about laws and policies if we are not voting. It’s easy to internalize ideas that voting is hopeless when poor people are ignored by politicians, widespread voter intimation aims to keep communities of color away from the polls and popular celebrities discourage the utility of voting. It is one critical way we can use our voices within our system. We need to ensure that young people are engaged and stay engaged.      

Over 50 college campuses & community organizing groups around the country are already involved in Hoodie Vote. The movement has gotten endorsements from Dick Gregory, Questlove, Russell Simmons, Jasiri X, Van Jones, Amanda Seales and a host of other artists, activists and legislators. Young people are actively spreading the word at their schools and in their communities and using the Internet to spread the word with photos and videos.

I understand that some people may see this as a gimmick. Since a “gimmick” is defined as a trick or device to get people’s attention. Hoodie Vote is not tricking anyone or being deceptive but we do want the attention of young people and communities of color. The people behind this campaign, Trell Thomas and Billy Wimsatt are established organizers and leaders in civic engagement and are not profiting from these shirts (any money made goes to making them and giving them to organizations and celebrities). Though we are selling official “Hoodie Vote” hoodies, we encourage people to wear their own hoodies to the polls. It’s about the message and the shirt is a tool. There are worse things than getting people interested in voting and putting our energy towards something can be transformational.

We are aiming to keep these discussions going through Election Day and beyond. For now, research your candidates and tell us why you’re voting at votinginmyhoodie.tumblr.com. We are collecting stories, photos and videos of people around the country telling us why they’ll be at the polls in their hoodie on Election Day. We want to see it and share it so tweet us (@Hoodie_Vote) with the hashtag #hoodievote.

Images are powerful and they influence the stories that are told and what we see in the media. Election Day is an opportunity to change the conversation from tragedy to triumph. 

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RuPaul's Life Lessons on the Divine Feminine

"Proliferation of patriarchal culture is the biggest reason that men using femininity, or even women using femininity, is looked down upon...people are afraid of it." -RuPaul

I've been having some candid and illuminating discussions about the rejection of the Divine Feminine within feminism and broader society with my healer artist sister Jenelle of Artists Don't Apologize, and she put me on to this magical interview with RuPaul. It is everything! He talks about how the death and quelling of goddess energy, and the fear of the divine feminine, is linked to homophobia.

Aside from his astute statements about the power of the Divine Feminine, he talks how "unlocking his mind's limitations" gave birth to his characters and creative expression. His entire career, which has been quite long and sustainable in entertainment standards, is an example of the power of authenticity and trusting ourselves intuitively especially when we're doing something different from the status quo.

Ru talks about the importance of retreating and taking time for self-care, going away for a while to come back, and being present to life. He is other worldly and incredibly grounded at the same time. I'm inspired by his fearlessness and synchronicity which you must have to have longevity and maintain humility in the public eye.

Watch the interview, it speaks for itself. There's nothing left for me to say except: Ru, you betta werk!

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