Allowing for Vulnerability

It's the beginning of the Sun in Aquarius, one of my favorite times of the year because my birthday is here and I feel very much at "home" and in my comfort zone with the Sun in my sign. I tend to think of Aquarians as gregarious, eccentric, humanitarian creatures floating along through life, bringing joy to everyone they meet. Perhaps I'm biased...

But lately, I've been reading horoscopes that have focused on the cool and detached nature of Aquarians of which I seem to forget. Although I'm very passionate about most things, generally speaking we do like to be too cool for school, especially when it comes to emotions. And we do NOT want people to know what we are really feeling. Revealing emotions is like being naked...it's a space of vulnerability.

As a dancer and performer, I've been thinking lots about how I convey feelings on the physical stage and on life's stage. The quote below was given to me by one of my burlesque teachers and it has opened my eyes to how I've been holding myself back. It's helping me allow myself to be in touch with what I'm feeling and more importantly, to bravely express it. I can't hide behind the planets on either stage so I accept this challenge with the Sun on my side.

"Life requires vulnerability. I treat myself gently and allow myself to be vulnerable. I accept myself as I am today without the need for perfection. I allow myself the freedom to learn without grandiose expectations. I am a living being, I allow my life to flow more broadly across the experience. I allow mys life to rest in the sun of self-acceptance."

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Hasta Luego, Aquarius...Hola Pisces

I was mad hype for a minute because I had half of the sky in Aquarius. I've talked before about the momentum of Jupiter, but the Sun was in my sign, along with Mars (energy!) and Mercury (communications) so I was astrologically sitting pretty.

But the Sun has officially left my sign and heads into Pisces. So what does that mean? Well, to me, it's the end of the year and end of the cycle. Winter, a time of death and darkness, is ending and it's a good time to prepare for the new year and the rebirth of spring. I almost feel like I need to retreat and gather my strength for the many seeds that need to be planted at the equinox.

What do the stars say? Goddess Yasmin B. breaks it down. Speaking of dreams...time for bed.

Moon Meditation: “Getting seriously dreamy…!”

The Moon is now in Capricorn and the Sun has moved into the psychic sign of Pisces. Put that together and it’s a good business day for psychics, astrologers and the like! If you’re seriously into some sort of Piscean activity – dreaming, playing music, making movies, finding a soul mate – today is a good day to be extra serious in your quest. People are more likely to take your efforts seriously and you’re more likely to actually make some headway in your task...

(photo artwork by Josephine Wall)

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Happy New Year: Jupiter Style

Happy New Year!

Yes, it's 5 days late, but I'm astrologically on schedule, as today begins a year-long cycle of Jupiter in Aquarius. So for this year, until January 17, 2010, water babies are blessed with the planet of good luck and expansion in our sun sign. That's me so I'm hype. But Jupiter changing signs today will bring major possibilities in all signs. I've read that Jupiter can help you set things in motion like the wind at your back guiding you along, so I'm trying to use that as inspiration to stay motivated! It's a new year, building on last year's CHANGE, and I'm working with what the cosmos are bringing.

You can find out where Jupiter is parking in your sign via my favorite Aussie goddess Yasmin Boland's site, moonology.com.

Best of luck and infinite expansion to all in 2009. Happy New Year!

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Suze Orman- My Personal Venus

We are all feeling the crunch of the economic crisis and honestly it's pretty depressing at this point. It's caused me to think lots about my money, saving, spending, and my future. I've spent time and energy planning of 401Ks and IRAs, and I don't even know if these things even exist when I retire. I'm putting money into this magical fund that is supposed to grow over time (depending on the economy) and should take care of me when I want to stop working or when I reach age 65. This is a lot of faith in the system and a lot of money that I'm putting towards it. Treasury bills are now in the negative, meaning that instead of you getting paid interest to put your money in the Treasury, YOU have to pay THEM Look at that Madoff situation...all these old folks lost their life savings.

I foolishly expected that the "American dream" was something I would wake up to. You go to school, get your degrees, work every day and handle your business; thus you're supposed to be able to afford a house, a marriage and kids (if you so desire), clothes, plasma TVs...whatever you want because you did what was expected. Now that I think about it, maybe that is the crux of the problem. Society is rebelling against itself. The system is broken! And I feel like I'm breaking right along with it.

Another reason I've got money on my mind is that Venus is in my sign, Aquarius, right now (and through the end of the month), which is best known as the planet of love, but is also the planet of money. I didn't really see the connection between the two concepts until I was up flipping channels and came across Suze Orman's special, "Women and Money." Thank Goddess for public television. Donate.

I love watching Suze Orman. She is no nonsense, and has this innate ability to help people connect to themselves through their money issues. She often talks a lot about the connection between self-esteem and money since apparently your relationship with money says a lot about your relationship with yourself. I can see it in action personally and socially. Think about the phrase "retail therapy". You feel shitty about something/anything and the antidote is to go spend money you don't have for a material item that will temporarily make you feel better about yourself (until you get the bill or look at your account. And with our credit-driven culture, it's easy to just go shopping and rack up bills instead of dealing with the problem at hand. We buy "stuff" to fill voids within us.

So Ms. Orman laid out these 8 things that women need to find in their lives to obtain financial freedom. I think these are things that women, and all of us, need to have to live in balance (that's number 2)...so that all things (love, money, career, family, health) can fall into place.

1) Harmony
When you find harmony within, you will feel...

2) Balance
The goal is to stabilize so you can move forward with...

3) Courage
It's the bravery to face reality and truly take care of self.

4) Generosity
Often women are generous to others before they care for themselves. But when we are taking care of ourselves, we find...

5) Happiness
When we are happy, we want to clear that cutter leading to...

6) Cleaniness
Clearing the clutter (mentally and physically) helps us appreciate our...

7) Beauty
She actually said verbatim that "we are goddesses." I was sold.

8) Wisdom
When we feel beautiful all over, we know our worth and power. We can make the right choices for us.

These are my rough interpretations but make sense in my life. Since I can't control Wall Street, stocks, Treasury bills, bonds and all that abstract shit; I'm going to concentrate on something I can attempt to understand: myself.

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water

i'm an Aquarius, we are water bearers. i used to ask myself, "what the f*ck is a water bearer?" most signs are pretty concrete: Leos are lions, Pisces are fish, Aries is a ram. why are we carrying water? we are often depicted as mermaid-looking women with long hair and a large water jug with water pouring out. i've read that the Water Bearer brings that precious liquid as a gift, Aquarians shower the world with their thoughts and new ideas. how can i deny that? ;) i need to do some research into it, but it made me think of my personal relationship with water.

i carry around this bottle of water all the time that I love, Maharadsha Ruby. i sometimes leave it places and then trip when i realize it's gone. my friend, Nakeisha, saw me get all dejected when i thought i lost it last weekend. my face lit up when i realized i left it in the hotel lobby. the unhospitable women at the front desk said they we wondering what the hell it was.

i had the purple one first, Maharadsha Violet; i gave it to someone to hold for me and forgot to get it back. its symbolic...i haven't seen him since but cherish memories. however, i vowed to never lose my water (and bottle) again. i have always carried water with me for years, i apparently feel naked without it. sometimes i think i should focus less on materials things but in this case it's spiritual. i can't be giving away my water like that, just leaving it places all willy-nilly! the bottle is an outward manifestation of how precious my water is.

so i'm figuring out my relationship with water itself. i love it and fear it. why do i love to be emerged in it but am so afraid of drowning in it? i love to drink water and need to have it with me at all times. i feel most calm when i'm by the water. i don't always like the rain but i love to watch thunderstorms. so i'm learning to swim literally and figuratively and be one with the water's flow.

in this quest, i came across this on DailyOm.com. i get their daily inspirational emails, it always provides me with some food for thought and perspective as i move through the day. the passage below is from their new book (http://dailyom.com/book/offer.html).

Fluid Like a River
Living Like Water

The journey of water as it flows upon the earth can be a mirror of our own paths through life. Water begins its residence on Earth as it falls from the sky or melts from ice and cascades down a mountain into a tributary or stream. In the same way, we come into the world and begin our lives on Earth. Like a river that flows within the confines of its banks, we are born with certain defining characteristics that govern our identity. We are born in a particular time and place, into a specific family, and with certain gifts and challenges. Within these parameters, we move through life, encountering many twists, turns, and obstacles along the way—just as a river flows.

Water is a great teacher that shows us how to move through the world with grace, ease, determination, and humility. When a river breaks at a waterfall, it gains energy and moves on. As we encounter our own waterfalls, we may fall hard, but we always keep going. Water can inspire us not to become rigid with fear or hold fast to what is familiar. Water is brave and does not waste time clinging to its past but flows onward without looking back. At the same time, when there is a hole to be filled, water does not flee from it, fearful of the dark; instead, it humbly and bravely fills the empty space. In the same way, we can face the dark moments of our life rather than running away from them.

Eventually, a river will empty into the sea. Water does not hold back from joining with a larger body, nor does it fear a loss of identity or control. It gracefully and humbly tumbles into the vastness by contributing its energy and merging without resistance. Each time we move beyond our individual egos to become part of something bigger, we can try our best to follow the lead of the river.

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