Part of my mission for this fall has been to clear out the clutter. I've noticed that clutter in all forms, physical, emotional, digital, energetic, can cloud our visions and can keep us shrouded in the past. I've done a lot of cleaning house and it has allowed for many positive things to enter into my life. It's also been a walk down memory lane finding old parts of self, painful old ways of being and uncomfortable memories stored in computer files, captured in photos or lingering in old clothes. Not that life has been so horrible (AT ALL), but there were growing pains and bruised egos.
I've also been working doing some full moon release intentions: writing down things I want to work on releasing in each full moon cycle. One theme has been releasing guilt of poor decisions I've made or resentment about situations in which clearing clutter was necessary but did not end well. I've been marinating on the ideas that the past does not dictate the future (thanks to Tisa Silver for the simple yet wise reminder) and as the magnet on my refrigerator says: always make new mistakes.
Today I'm in the process of cleaning out digital files so I can open some new things in my world and I found some stream-of-consciousness poetry I wrote a little over 2 years ago. I didn't know this existed and don't really remember writing it but it's certainly on that "Return of Saturn" tip. Nonetheless it's on time, speaking directly to these ideas of jumping into things full-throttle, learning from mistakes and not letting fear keep you back. These kinds of discoveries have been the rewards of taking inventory and dusting off some shadows especially since cleaning and organizing aren't at the top of my list of favorite activities. I like to think it's the past self sending some friendly reminders to the future self.
This cleansing process serves as a reminder of how I've grown, changed, adapted and learned and that it's time to apply these lessons. It's funny though in retrospect, I had conviction in my choices even if I knew they were poor, but even more so when I believed they were right. Perhaps that's the key...using that energy and esteem to keep moving forward towards intuition to release the clutter of the past...
Freaking out
Intimacy is frightening me
Testing the waters
End up open wide
That’s living, take risks
She says
Curbing verbal vulnerabilities
Just eliminate fear
Feel and release
Listen and hear
Can’t be the same pattern
I’ve felt before
And thought before
Bet on before
Deciphering illusions
Silencing noise
Sensitivity heightened
Anxious energy
Exhaled in rhythm
That’s my heart
It’s raw, scared
Scarred
Regenerated
Guarded
The pendulum swings
Blind hopes dashed?
High stakes
Each side pleads its case
What do I believe?
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